now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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