RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
we're so committed to being not committed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
