we're chasing vodka with high fives
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
