Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
