WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
