are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
