does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
