I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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