never play flip cup with pint glasses
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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