This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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