whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
