im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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