party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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