There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
