PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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