Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
