Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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