but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
