just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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