my mouth tastes like poor choices
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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