New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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