I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think my vagina is haunted
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
