he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize