i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
