ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
