Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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