ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
