Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
