Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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