I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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