we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
