**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
