wrigley field is MILF paradise
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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