i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize