:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
