Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
