did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
