A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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