You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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