I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
