i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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