Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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