I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
