new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize