Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
