Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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