i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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