I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize