Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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