did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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