oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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