No stitches, just platelets and will power
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
