they need to just BURY HIM!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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