Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
