Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
