I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
