i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
