Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
