Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
