It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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