I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
