hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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