dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
