i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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