Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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