my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
