I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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