good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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