It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
