i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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