Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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