Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
