Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
