I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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