mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
