you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
