At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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