just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
