she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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