Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
