That's when you crack a 10am beer
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
