I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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