I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
