smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
