you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
