i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
