Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
