Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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