i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
