Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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