Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
