Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
