So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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