Where is the hickey?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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