my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
