Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
