Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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