He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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